Holiday crafts and musings (TW Religion, alcoholism)

When I was in my twenties I decided I hated Christmas. I’ve been an atheist for longer than I’ve known I was queer, and there’s just so much religious, Christian, (and loads of personal shit) baggage that comes along with Christmas. I completely humbugged my way through the years, gave away my sentimental ornaments to the local bar for their tree (wow,) just gave up and drank the holidays away.

In my thirties I decided that it was boring, depressing and lame to completely eschew Christmas. I one-eightied and embraced Christmas. Trees, decorating, presents, caroling, sweaters, everything. I hung up the angels and churches and wise men in the tree. (The smaller, secondary tree. In the

back.) I felt a lot better around the holidays because it’s nice to celebrate. I merrily drank the holidays away.

This year will be my fortieth Christmas. My second sober Christmas. After being sick all through the second half of October and living in a half-decorated sickness hellscape, I was determined to decorate for Christmas the very day after Thanksgiving, get it done and over with so I can enjoy a nicely decorated home. I pulled out all my decorations and found myself not wanting to put everything I owned out. I’m a sort of maximalist and a crow-hoarder so I just have a bunch of stuff from everywhere, and have been happy to just put up everything just to have the place decorated. But this year I want to start building up a store of decorations with intention. I’d like to decorate my house with intention. This year I left all the Christian decorations in the box. I left the Country Craft deco in the box. Maybe in the future I’ll have the strength to get rid of them. But for now, leaving them in the box is a good step forward. Being sober has given me so much more time to mull over shit.

I want to make some decorations this year, and all years going forward, that mean something to me. I want to surround myself with beautiful and fun holiday decor that remind me of the joy of the season without getting Jesus involved.

All that to say I’m trying my hand at some more natural deco this year. Dried orange slices with gold leaf and star anise. I originally liked the idea for ornaments, but as I’m going along I think I may make them into a wreath instead, as I think I like them better as group (aka I burned half of them and want it to look intentional lol). Also gold leaf is an insane mess and I’m better off hiding the messed up parts. Still I think it’ll be cute. Next week: cinnamon salt dough cookies!